Skip to main content

4 Reasons It’s OK To Be The First To Apologize




Anytime someone mentions their name your heart feels heavy.  

How did things ever get this way?  Did you ever think you would go this long without talking to your best friend? Has it really been ten years since you last talked to your dad?   

While you should never apologize to someone as a matter of habit or convenience, when you realize that you’ve genuinely made a mistake it’s time to reach out.  Being the first to offer an apology shows that you value the relationship above your ego.

Pick up the phone, send that email and remember these four reasons it’s OK to be the first to apologize:

1. You realize you were wrong.  


Researchers found that there are two main types of regret:  regret for actions and regret for inactions.  Those studied felt sorry for their actions such as speaking about someone behind their back.  Regret for inaction occurred when the person didn’t take a step they knew they should have--like not being there for a friend when they were really needed.

When you hurt someone, however unintentionally, remorse and regret follow. Don’t become paralyzed by your regret.  Never hold back from offering an apology you know you should give.  You assume the other person would never want to speak to you again, but what if your apology sets you both free?

2. Apologizing first helps you avoid becoming passive aggressive.


Allow yourself to be guided by sincerity and reflection.  Apologizing first after a disagreement enables you to live assertively and act from your strength.  Too often when we make mistakes, or a fight occurs, we suppress the anger and guilt and allow them to fester. These twin thieves of our peace create a slowly erupting volcano of discomfort within.  

We find ourselves making passive aggressive comments, acting frustrated and annoyed as a way to release the mounting pressure.  Turn the passive aggressive behavior into direct action--it’s long overdue.

3. Your history together will make it easier to reconcile.


Tempers were lost and you each said things you regret.  Or maybe the fight was about something much deeper that isn’t easily fixed. You are both frustrated and hurt as you retreat to your corners to lick your wounds.  Staying angry and holding the grudge is short sighted.  In fact, a study found the deeper the history of connection and closeness between two people, the easier it is for a reconciliation to occur.  

4. You will maintain your “giraffe vision”.


Roaming through the savannas of Africa, giraffes are found eating from the tops of the majestic Acacia trees.  The giraffe lives its life with an expansive view of its surrounding world.  As you work to build a life of which you are proud, maintain your own giraffe vision and see the bigger picture--keep this disagreement in its proper perspective.  

Being the first to apologize keeps your energy devoted to your own growth and development, not to the drain of petty feuds.  Choose to live every day guided by your deepest sense of your best self and use that power to go ahead and clear the air!



 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

individual Differences in Mentoring.

As a mentor, it is very important your pay attention to individual differences among humans. You can't generalize everything and expect to have impact. One of the keys of becoming a healthy mentor is to pay attention to individual differences in people. Using animals as examples, what a lion appreciate is different from what a monkey will appreciate. So are humans, our individual temperament determines the way we perceive things. We have four different human temperaments wired in every human blood. Make your research, learnt and understand the right approach for each of your mentee. Comparing one person to another will fight your mentee instead of helping them. Each of your mentee is unique in their individual capacity. The capacity of learning among them is different. Some are low learners and some are fast learner while some don't even need supervision. They can engage in self learning. So, relate with each of your mentee according to their capacity. Don't generalize your...

Embrace A Mentor

Life is a remarkable adventure, and along the way, having a mentor can be a guiding light, illuminating the path to success and fulfillment. Embracing the wisdom of a mentor is like unlocking a treasure trove of knowledge and experience. Mentors are not just guides; they are beacons of inspiration, offering insights that can shape your understanding and propel you toward your goals. Their experiences serve as roadmaps, helping you navigate challenges with confidence and resilience. In the presence of a mentor, you gain more than just information; you gain a partner in your personal and professional growth. Their encouragement and constructive feedback become catalysts for self-improvement. They've walked the path you're on, faced similar hurdles, and emerged stronger. Learning from their triumphs and setbacks is a priceless gift. Remember, embracing a mentor is not a sign of weakness but a declaration of your commitment to excellence. It is a recognition that growth is a collab...

Whats in Your Package?

We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. Romans 12:6a. Perhaps you are wasting your life doing nothing with all you have. God packaged some things in you for the good of the world - use them. We will never see the wealth God planted in you until you bring it up. There's always something in you that we haven't yet seen because that's the way God thinks. Release your ability before you die. Use the power and strength with you for the good of yourself and others. I believe there are books, songs, art works, business, poems, inventions, and investments in you that God intended you to manifest. Don't give up until you have lived out the full extent of your potential, because you have no right to die with the best in you. Don't rob the next generation of wealth, treasure, and tremendous gifts buried deep within you. If you want to succeed, stricke out on new paths. Don't travel the worn path of accepted success. No man can climb beyond the limitations...